The Land of Carmel
by XxMoonStarsSpacexX
Summary: Once upon a time, in a far far away magical Land called Carmel, a newly wed couple shared pleasurable times… This is my entry for Lolly's February competition : please review!


_**Well I am in a jolly good mood today :D**_

_**Apparently there's a new competition that the oh so famous Lolly has made for the mediator monthly writing challenge, so being wonderfully faithful fanfiction user… **_

_**GET WRITING! **_

_**Yeah anyway, this is my entry for February :) Once upon a shadowland :) **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything. Thanks for rubbing it in.**_

**The Land of Carmel**

_**Once upon a time, in a far far away magical Land called Carmel, a newly wed couple shared pleasurable times…**_

"Ohh! Hector!"

My new husband smiled mischievously.

"Call me Puss, Querida." His heavily accented voice sent vibrations down my spine; I shivered with sheer delight.

"Puss!" I moaned, "This is just so… so… perfect!"

"Anything for you, my little Thumbelina" There was a slight purr in his voice as he leant down, picking up the hot, fresh white chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.

I grabbed at least five other cookies, completely astounded by the tingling of my taste buds.

A knock on the small cottage door reminded me of our visitor. I jumped to open it, welcoming young David into our humble abode.

"Take a seat sweetheart!" I sang merrily, and I looked out of the large window, framed by the perfectly trimmed, thorn-less white and pink roses. The fields were of a perfect green, flowers of every colour lined the houses on Pine Crest Road. The sky was a clear blue, only a single cloud shaped distinctly like a fluffy bunny floated happily along, as if enjoying the smiling sun and the view below.

I turned back round to find Jesse right behind me. I giggled hysterically for no apparent reason, and then I patted his head and said with wonder,

"My, my, what large eyes you have!"

"All the better to see you with my sweet," the laughter that came from my mouth was of a perfect tinkling tune, like wind chimes in a perfect seasonal breeze. Then I stroked my husbands large fox ears,

"How could you ever have been a nasty kitty my darling?"

"Oh but I never was!" He exclaimed kissing my cheek, his teeth skimming my skin only slightly.

"Husband," I said cautiously, "What would you say if I wanted to make a baby?" I looked up at him, my face arranged in that innocent expression he simply could resist.

"Querida, of course I will make a baby with you!" He smiled at me, showing all his mighty teeth.

We held hands, closed our eyes and wished. Wished harder than we ever had. I tapped my ruby coloured shoes three times, wishing and wishing for a sweet baby girl.

I could hear David munching on his cookies, I could feel his eyes on us, wishing us luck, helping us get our baby.

Then I heard her. I heard little Tinkerbelle fluttering her delicate wings as she squeaked and showered us with her magical golden dust. And that's when the little wonder entered our lives. Little Goldilocks.

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Goldilocks was a hermaphrodite. The conversation when we had found out in the kitchen went something like this:

"_B-but I don't understand, how did this happen?" I asked, completely bewildered, my mouth in a perfect O shape and my teeth literally glittering in the sunlight. _

"_Well," began David, "When a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes they wish for different things. One of you must have wished for a girl and the other a boy." _

"_Oh!" I pretended to understand so that my husband didn't laugh at my typical stupidity. "Well she- he- she… my child is beautiful," I finally decided. "Don't you think David?" _

"_Oh yes, it's absolutely gorgeous! It has your eyes Susannah!" David's already overly long wooden nose grew an inch after this statement. I glared at him for a millisecond before I went back to my flawless state, _so that I didn't give myself any wrinkles.

_God Forbid. _

_I turned to look at Puss for comfort, only to find his face scrupled with apparent disgust. _

"_It looks like one of the piglet's cousins!" My horrified gaze was on Hector, I was at a loss for words. This was his child, and mine! _

_He turned to Tinkerbelle and asked, "Can't we return it? Or exchange it at least?" Tinkerbelle turned a furious red and shook her head, her little hands balled up into tight fists. The out of Fairy God Mother knows where, she pulled out the longest scroll of clean, white parchment that ever existed. At the top, the parchment read, 'Sacred Scroll for Making Babies the Full Guide- includes a complimentary DVD!' Then reading down it furiously fast, Tinkerbelle pointed out a line two thirds of the way down. _

"_Rule 234, 234,565,133,906:" Puss read aloud, "Thou shalt not return thy baby, thy ungrateful little Pinocchio." David's hands self consciously jumped to his elongated nose, moaning about Prejudice. _

_I scoffed in the most lady-like fashion I could. "Prejudice doesn't exist in this world!" A small giggle escaped my mouth at the hilarious thought. _

_Tinkerbelle let out a chuckle, way too deep to belong to her; she disappeared with a poof and a swirl of golden fairy dust. _

"_So basically," my husband concluded, "We're stuck with this- this _**thing **_'till it's older." He muttered under his breath, "I should make a deal with the wicked witch to take her away and put her in a tower." _

"_Oh honey!" I said sweetly, "It's not that bad!" _

"_Yeah," David added, "you're daughter will grow to be the most handsome and beautiful being in the Land!" We didn't say anything, simply stared at his nose extending several inches. _

_Just then, the door knocked, and the carpenter Andy (my step father and creator of David) walked in, briefly nodding at me before taking a cookie from the side of the sink. "You really shouldn't lie David" he said, "You're a terrible liar, people can tell instantly… I don't know what it is, but you just can't hide it." _

"_Go away Dad, I'm trying to be a real boy here!" _

_The shocked silence that filled the room was not enough to tear my attention away from my admittedly ugly baby. _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

It was evening when all the excitement had settled down. My loving husband had accepted that we would simply wait to see what happened. The moonlight sifted through the clean glass window, the shutters creaked a little with the breeze and the whole of the Land of Carmel was silent.

My eyelids fluttered to a close. My baby was asleep; my husband's perfect arms were wrapped around my perfect body as I lay there, completely at peace with the world. More so than I had ever been; I smiled contently.

I heard footsteps. My breath caught in my throat. Robbers didn't exist in this world! So who was it? It can't have been the baby, they take a full week before they can walk and talk…

My eyes had flung open, and I saw the most dreaded and feared thing in the world.

Rumplestiltslater.

His piercing blue eyes bore into mine. He was the Villain in my story. I remember him from before. My promise to him, and it frightened me.

"Thumbelina…" He sang softly. I sat up straight in my bed. The handsome figure before me was simply a symbol of everything that shouldn't exist. The most prominent being lust. He really was gorgeous. A faded red aura surrounded him. He was the Devil of Carmel. A trouble maker.

My heart rate sped up.

I looked down at the 2ft 4inch figure before me. How could someone so small frighten me so?

"You promised… you promised me your first child…" His smile was snide as he looked up into my beautiful emerald eyes.

"Please!" I pleaded, "Please, give me a second chance!"

Rumplestiltslater stood watching me thoughtfully before saying finally, "Okay, if you can guess my real name I will let you off. But you'll never guess it!"

"How many guesses do I have?" I must have looked pathetically vulnerable.

"Hmm… I'll give you three. And I'm being generous!"

"O-okay…" and with all my peanut sized brain might, I thought of the three most unusual male names.

"Okay… how about, Habakkuk?" He shook his head, a smirk appearing on his smug face.

"Oh dear," I said, a little worried, "How about… Cadwalader?" His head shook with more energy, his smile intensifying along with his evident delight.

My breathing came out in sharp little gasps as I struggled to think. Then with a little tug from behind me, I found a golden glow, and Tinkerbelle's little mouth suggested one name I would never have thought of, before she moved back to watch the scene.

Rumplestiltslater eyed Tinkerbelle with a little apprehension, but brought his not as confident cold blue eyes back to me. "One more chance…" he whispered.

"My final guess is- PAULINA!" Rumplestiltslater's face was contorted with such surreal surprise, he actually fell back, his mouth forming un ugly shape and he was not so handsome anymore.

Tinkerbelle looked triumphant and laughed heartily at what had just happened. A smile appeared on my own face as I realised that I had won this round. Then, unexpectedly, my husband pulled on my night gown.

"Querida," he murmured, "Just give him the stupid excuse for a baby! The thing never even cries!"

At first I looked at my husband with utter disgust, but afterwards I realised how true the words he had said were. If I kept the baby, it would condemn me to a life of… well _work. _

"Fine. Paulina can have the baby."

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That night it was settled. Paulina was to have the baby forever more, and called it Kelly, deciding it was indeed, a girl. I felt a little guilty, but happy that I had been able to get rid of it. Tinkerbelle later confided in me that Goldilocks (0r Kelly) had never actually been a baby, it was one of Snow White's dwarfs. It had all been part of a master plan to finally give Paulina the torture he deserved.

Now over the hills, behind the jolly forest of Carmel, lies the large glass house of Paulina Rumplestiltslater. He lives with his 'daughter' Kelly. And she cries _every night._ It is a well known fact that Paulina has not had a full night's sleep for 6 years. Sometimes, if you listen hard enough, you can hear the roars of frustration as Paulina struggles to calm the dwarf down. And it is said that he has not yet figured out why his daughter has not grown.

Puss in Boots (Hector), Thumbelina (Susannah), Pinocchio (David) and his father all celebrated the brilliant occasion and fun times to come ahead in their magical world. That is how the Land of Carmel came to have a very, very happy ending.

THE END

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_**You may have reached this point of the fic and gone… What? **_

_**Yeah, me too. It would be the best thing ever if I got tonnes of reviews for this because I simply loved writing it, and I think it has to be one of the only fics that I've been this excited to write. **_

_**And the randomness? What can I say… I needed to get it all off my chest :)**_

_**Please, please review!**_

_**Thanks :)**_


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